Make room

Quoted in Coming back to Life, by Joanna Macy:

"The truth that many people never understand until it is too late is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer." 
-Thomas Merton

"Our hope is that if we keep all the distractedness going, we will not have to look at who we are, we will not have to feel what we feel, we will not have to see what we see." 
-Judy Lief 

"No one is exempt from that pain, any more than one could exist alone and self-sufficient in empty space. Feeling pain for the world is as natural to us as the food and air we draw upon to fashion who we are. It is inseparable from the currents of matter, energy, and information that flow through us and sustain us as interconnected open systems. We are not closed off from the world, but integral components of it, like cells in a larger body. When that body is traumatized, we sense that trauma too. When it falters and sickens, we feel its pain, whether we pay attention to it or not. That pain is the price of consciousness in a threatened and suffering world. It is not only natural; it is an absolutely necessary component of our collective healing. As in all organisms, pain has a purpose: it is a warning signal, designed to trigger remedial action. The problem, therefore lies not with our pain for the world, but in our repression of it. Our efforts to dodge or dull it surrender us to futility." 
-Joanna Macy 

This morning began slowly, fog and rain outside the window begging me to roll over and drift back to sleep. A few cups of espresso dressed me in raincoat rainpants rainboots, and sent me to Sprouts Arapahoe to run my weekly Boulder Food Rescue shift. Dismay met me when I discovered the food rescue trailer had been stolen from its home. The backup trailer had two flat tires, leaving me no option but to run back home, grab the (much smaller) house trailer, and run the shift. I piled on mountains of produce and bags of bread, much more than the trailer could handle...Tires sagged and trailer leaned as I towed the food through rain, traffic, and construction. I cursed the concrete as cars careened past, edging into the bike lane, anger and pain moving through my body. I felt alone, unsupported by the community, unsupported by Boulder Food Rescue.

I was ready to throw in the towel and give up the food rescue game when I became overwhelmed with primal joy. Wet, sweaty, and dirty, I felt alive. The rain on my face cooled the fire and woke the soul. I was practically giddy by the time I arrived at the home for disabled adults that receives the food donation, greeted by friendly faces of folks I've seen every Monday morning for the past two years. I felt a tremendous sense of gratitude as we laughed and unpacked the trailer. Now dry and warm in my co-op cave, I am ready for the next struggle, the next challenge, the next discomfort.

This week I encourage you to let yourself suffer. Rather than turning away or seeking distraction from your human experience, embrace it! Release trivial tensions and make room for the pain of others and the real problems that drive us to do the real work.